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Forums - The lounge
Subject: finally health advise that makes sense
Original Message Date: 04-Dec-09 @ 12:22 AM - finally health advise that makes sense
Supposedly from an Chinese doctor but I'm sure it's not serious.
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it...don't waste on exercise. Everything
wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life
of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are
these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering
vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass
(green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance
of vegetable product.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water
out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom
up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your
ratio two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated
by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if
you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food
around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive
and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate
in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a
ride!!"
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it...don't waste on exercise. Everything
wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life
of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are
these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering
vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass
(green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance
of vegetable product.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water
out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom
up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your
ratio two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated
by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if
you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food
around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive
and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate
in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a
ride!!"
Message 11/14 09-Dec-09 @ 05:45 PM - RE: finally health advise that makes sense
NastyM
Posts: 294
Link?: No link
File?: No file
On a similar note but with a different spirit, i've recently taken to raising the odd glass of "Pussers" rum when available . apparently its rumoured Nelson was pickled in this for the return journey home.... not unlike myself come the end of a Friday night!!!
Message 12/14 10-Dec-09 @ 01:24 AM - RE: finally health advise that makes sense
we're seeing more expensive "boutique" rums. they're trying to do with that what they've done with vodka and tequila. the vodka i don't get so much, how many different flavors of flavorless do you need (not even getting into the flavor-added girlie ones). I likes me some anejo patron when the weather's a bit warmer, though. 
Message 13/14 10-Dec-09 @ 02:53 AM - RE: finally health advise that makes sense
in nassau, bahamas there is a drink called goombay smash. it's served in a large glass and is made
with bananas some other fruits and flavors i think...and 3 kinds of rum. i swear i didn't taste the rum. i
had 3 of them with dinner one night thinking i was just fine but when i stood up to leave i had to grab
my chair and get my bearings for a moment. that shit hits you. tasted great though.
with bananas some other fruits and flavors i think...and 3 kinds of rum. i swear i didn't taste the rum. i
had 3 of them with dinner one night thinking i was just fine but when i stood up to leave i had to grab
my chair and get my bearings for a moment. that shit hits you. tasted great though.
Message 14/14 10-Dec-09 @ 02:05 PM - RE: finally health advise that makes sense
NastyM
Posts: 294
Link?: No link
File?: No file
Ahhhh Tequila, now who doesn't have a tequila related based booze tail..... you'd be hard pressed not to find one.
Although in all honesty mine only involve getting heavenly pissed and performing embarassing acts.
Anecdotes of these occurances being dragged out with regularity by slightly more sober friends that wish to make a point of being slightly more sober.
Although in all honesty mine only involve getting heavenly pissed and performing embarassing acts.
Anecdotes of these occurances being dragged out with regularity by slightly more sober friends that wish to make a point of being slightly more sober.
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