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Forums - The lounge
Subject: finally health advise that makes sense
Viewing all 14 messages - View by pages of 10: 1 2
Original Message 1/14 04-Dec-09 @ 12:22 AM - finally health advise that makes sense
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it...don't waste on exercise. Everything
wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life
of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are
these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering
vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass
(green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance
of vegetable product.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water
out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom
up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your
ratio two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated
by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if
you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food
around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive
and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate
in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a
ride!!"
Message 2/14 07-Dec-09 @ 03:29 AM - RE: finally health advise that makes sense
3 Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
2 I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
4 I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5 Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
6 If you want to fix a chimp, use a monkey wrench.
7 They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
8 He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
9 A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
10 Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
11 The trouble with life is there's no background music.
12 I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
13 Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
14 You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
15 remember that beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
16 Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
17 I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
18 Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
19 NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
20 God must love stupid people; He made so many.
21 The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
23 Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
24 Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
25 Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
26 Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
27 I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
28 A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
29 A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
30 Don't you wish closed minds came with closed mouths?
Message 3/14 07-Dec-09 @ 02:23 PM - RE: finally health advise that makes sense
___________________________________
I had an idea for a script once. It's basically Jaws except when the guys in the boat are going after Jaws, they look around and there's an even bigger Jaws. The guys have to team up with Jaws to get Bigger Jaws.... I call it... Big Jaws!!!
Message 4/14 07-Dec-09 @ 05:47 PM - RE: finally health advise that makes sense
Message 5/14 08-Dec-09 @ 05:17 PM - RE: finally health advise that makes sense
NastyM
Posts: 294
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and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate
in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a
ride!!"
.........................who is the original quote by is it Hunter S Thompson (as a friend suggested) ?
Somehow it just doesn't seem quite right "Chardonnay & Chocolate" more like "Bourbon & Coke" ?
Message 6/14 08-Dec-09 @ 10:13 PM - RE: finally health advise that makes sense
actualy someone told me the other day, dark chocolate and whisky is sposed to be good, he said you drink the whisky over the chocolate which sits dissolving on your toungue. have to try that
___________________________________
I had an idea for a script once. It's basically Jaws except when the guys in the boat are going after Jaws, they look around and there's an even bigger Jaws. The guys have to team up with Jaws to get Bigger Jaws.... I call it... Big Jaws!!!
Message 7/14 09-Dec-09 @ 01:02 AM - RE: finally health advise that makes sense
NastyM
Posts: 294
Link?: No link
File?: No file
Whiskey should not be adulterated in any way or form.....if you need to add anything add the briefest hint of ice, and for Gods sake don`t drink blends. (Unless you're a guest at my house in which case cooking sherry is fine for you whilst I sup premium quality single malts.)
Message 8/14 09-Dec-09 @ 04:09 AM - RE: finally health advise that makes sense
them. maybe i went to the low brow tastings.
man whiskey. i hate the hard stuff. wine is good and i love beer but whiskey, scotch, vodka, etc.
makes me want to puke every time i take a sip. i guess i won't be on your guest list anytime soon. :P
Message 9/14 09-Dec-09 @ 08:30 AM - RE: finally health advise that makes sense
makes me want to puke every time i take a sip.
just leaves more for the rest of us. big smoky islay for me, please.
I'd read somewhere online some guy's musings about eating home-baked chocolate chip cookies while drinking his scotch and the fumes carrying the chocolate essence up into his sinuses. whatever floats your boat, I guess.
Message 10/14 09-Dec-09 @ 04:05 PM - RE: finally health advise that makes sense
also another good one (not islay) BNJ is the best i've found for 14 quid a bottle at oddbins
http://www.oddbins.com/products/productDetail.asp?productcode=30841
famously this scotch was taken on the Zulu campaigns by the british army i beleive
___________________________________
I had an idea for a script once. It's basically Jaws except when the guys in the boat are going after Jaws, they look around and there's an even bigger Jaws. The guys have to team up with Jaws to get Bigger Jaws.... I call it... Big Jaws!!!
Message 11/14 09-Dec-09 @ 05:45 PM - RE: finally health advise that makes sense
NastyM
Posts: 294
Link?: No link
File?: No file
Message 12/14 10-Dec-09 @ 01:24 AM - RE: finally health advise that makes sense
Message 13/14 10-Dec-09 @ 02:53 AM - RE: finally health advise that makes sense
with bananas some other fruits and flavors i think...and 3 kinds of rum. i swear i didn't taste the rum. i
had 3 of them with dinner one night thinking i was just fine but when i stood up to leave i had to grab
my chair and get my bearings for a moment. that shit hits you. tasted great though.
Message 14/14 10-Dec-09 @ 02:05 PM - RE: finally health advise that makes sense
NastyM
Posts: 294
Link?: No link
File?: No file
Although in all honesty mine only involve getting heavenly pissed and performing embarassing acts.
Anecdotes of these occurances being dragged out with regularity by slightly more sober friends that wish to make a point of being slightly more sober.
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